When people always need something from you

Anyone who knows me knows that one of my favorite books is The 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene. It helped formulate how I see the world and how I respond to it. I'm proposing an additional law to this book, the 0th law of power:

 He who needs the least from an interaction has the most power within it.


When we try thinking this way, we can see arguments, negotiations, and power struggles in a whole new light.

If you view an argument as a clash between two opposing viewpoints, each armed with a set of factual allegations and some rhetoric, you can spend a lot of time trying to figure out whose argument is better, and who will “win”. But an argument is power struggle, and therefore it is a clash not between opposing viewpoints, but opposing people. And the winner will be whoever needs less from the interaction.

So the reason why some people have called my ideas “misogynist”, or “women-hating”  or even "immature" is that they need something from me. Especially since most of these people have no achievements in their personal lives, and when they see what I've achieved, they know they will need me someday.

Often I am doing something, saying something, living some way, and they want me to stop. Urgently… because if they did not want it urgently, they would simply have avoided me. But they did not.


They need something from me. They require my cooperation to get what they need.


What do I need from them? Not much. There is nothing they can give me. Then all the power belongs to me.

Sure, I can debate their small minds, but I wouldn’t be “losing” the argument, because their goal in arguing is to make me stop… and they don’t win unless they get me to stop.


This is relevant in my experience with women as well. Of getting a job. Of buying something from a business. Of responding to a request for help. Of having sex. Of… anything.

Think: what does each person need? Who needs it more? If you can figure this out, you know who will win the confrontation, or get the best of the deal.


And if one of those people is you, the less you need, and the more others need you, or need from you, the more you will win in conflict, and the more you can demand in a deal.


This is the secret behind agree and amplify; you do not need the insult contradicted. This is the secret behind social proof and abundance mentality; you do not need that woman, you have access to others. This is the secret behind everything.

• Be less needy.
• Know the weakness of others by identifying their needs.
• Know when your enemy has unwisely placed his needs upon you, and defeat him.
• Know when the stranger has placed his needs upon you, and demand a price for your effort.
• Know when your friend has a need, and inspire his gratitude and loyalty.
• Never need things from your enemies or those who wish to defeat you.
• Place your needs instead upon your friends and allies.
• Or upon those who need as much or more from you.